Wednesday, May 12, 2010

peeved off

    I may have mentioned that I'm working in Louisiana this week. But did I mention that it was a SEVEN HOUR drive from home to the bank where we are currently doing an exam?? As I made that SEVEN HOUR drive, two things happened: 1) I encountered my fair share of terrible drivers and 2) I had more than enough time to think. Without meaning too, I started making a mental list of things that, for one reason or another, get underneath my skin. The item first up on the list was directly influenced by the aforementioned SEVEN HOUR drive...

  • Left Lane Slow-Pokes: We have all had the misfortune of meeting one of these inconsiderate dimwits on the road. If you are lucky, they will be driving the exact speed limit, but more times than not, they will be going at least 5mph under the posted limit. They drive aimlessly and unconcerned in the left lane when there are cars going the same speed in the right lane too. No matter how close you get to their bumper, they never seem to take the hint to move over. Just when you are teetering on the edge of an explosion, traffic finally clears out enough for you to pass them on the RIGHT. And as you do, you think all manner of obscenities to yourself, feel your blood pressure peek, and slowly start to fall as you make your way around the Left Lane Slow-Poke (said obscenities sometimes come in the form of shouting- depending on your level/control of road rage). I have no suggestions for avoiding this situation, but for controlling the situation, I suggest mediation or classical music.
  • Subscription Scatterers: You know what I'm talking about. These are those annoying fall-all-over-the-ground thingies that prevent you from reading a magazine in peace. These persistent little cards force you to bend over every 20 pages or so to pick up the litter from the floor. I understand the business need to promote magazine subscriptions, but do marketers really think that simply cramming about 5 into every magazine will really make someone more likely to subscribe? I think one would do the trick. Plus doesn't everyone do that sort of thing online these days anyway? But for as long as we have to continue to bear this annoyance, I do propose a solution: hold your magazine at the binding, shake furiously over trash can until you are confident all fall-outs have indeed fell out, THEN curl up in your favorite spot to enjoy your reading.
  • Memory-Confident Waiters/Waitresses: I don't know why this annoys me. Quite frankly, I should be impressed when a server thinks he/she can deliver my order perfectly without notes. NOPE- that's not my reaction at all. I'm not high-maintenance or a picky eater, but sometimes I do have special requests for condiments, preparation, or substitute sides. If I begin to give my order and the server does not pull out a pen and pad, I literally start to get anxiety. The reason? Because I'm afraid to complain or send something back if it comes out incorrectly. Let's face it- the waiter is in control. If you appear to be a "difficult" customer, there's no end to the horrible things that could happen to your food after that. Therefore, I want my waiter/waitress to WRITE DOWN my order to increase the chances that it comes out right the first time, thus preventing me from a) being dissatisfied with my food or b) sending it back and subjecting myself to undue risk (if you know what I mean).
  • Shadow Shoppers: I like to browse. I like to browse with friends. I like to shop. I like to shop alone. There's a difference, trust me. By nature, I am an indecisive and meticulous person. When there is something specific that I'm shopping for, I treat it as a mission. I want to find the best quality item for the best price. This is not always a quick process, and it's not easily accomplished with someone following you around. I also find it hard to focus on my mission because I constantly worry that I'm taking too long or boring the Shadow Shopper. Shopping trips tend to work a little better when my friend also has a shopping mission, and therefore, is off doing her own thing and not constantly trailing me. However, this usually results in failure for me still because I'm a slow shopper (see meticulous comment above). Even those friends who come to shop with a mission in mind usually finish long before me, thus turning into a Shadow Shopper before I'm done. Browsing is a completely different story. If there's no mission that has to be accomplished at the end of the shopping trip, I refer to this as browsing. I can browse all day long with friends and find it to be a very pleasurable experience.
  • Unmotivated "Sandwich Artists": I love Subway, but their sandwiches can be hit or miss. You can tell almost immediately what your sandwich will taste like before you even take the first bite. Does your Sandwich Artist look clean and freshly laundered? What about the Sandwich Artist's attitude- is he/she friendly? When you begin to request your toppings does he/she carefully place the ingredients or does he/she throw them on haphazardly? Does he/she make any attempt to give you the "good" tomatoes or the non-brown lettuce? If you answered no to most of the questions, you might as well set your $5 bill on fire. This sandwich is gonna be crap.
  • "Hubby"-Obsessed Newlyweds: CLEARLY you are a fan of the man you married. Otherwise, why would you have taken lifelong vows to love, honor, and respect him? And as a married couple, people reasonably expect you to participate in everyday activities (i.e. cleaning the house, watching t.v., and going grocery shopping) with your significant other. There is no need to subject your friends and the general public to your overuse of the word "hubby" and shameless promotion of how great he is. Nor does anyone need a play-by-play when you and the spouse decide to clean the toilets or take out the trash.
  • Double D Hotel Rooms: As someone who travels frequently, there's not a lot that I dread more than a Double D hotel room. Damp and Dark. Most of you won't appreciate this peeve, but those who travel for work know what I mean. I'll start with damp. For whatever reason, many hotels just have a damp feeling. No matter how cool you make the room, the humidity just never seems to give. As someone with naturally curly (slash frizzy) hair- this is not cool. In addition, lots of hotel rooms have terrible lighting, creating an overall gloomy environment. While the majority of the room is usually dark and dreary, the harsh florescent lights in the bathroom make applying make-up less than enjoyable. To prevent a long-winded tangent, let's just say that hotel bathroom lights do little for the self esteem. Dark or damp in isolation is not unbearable, but when you end up in a place that's dark AND damp- good luck. You'll need it.
  • 5 Minute Manicures: You've been rubbed and pampered. You are relaxed and you look gooooood. You check the time and realize you have been at the nail salon way too long. You've got things to do and places to go. So you prepare to leave. Then... you bump into a counter... or you reach into your purse too early... or you hit your hand as you fasten your seatbelt. Bottom line- your nails looked great for all of five minutes. Not you have a smear, a ridge, or a chip. It's happened to me more than once, and you would think by now, I would make sure to allow ample time for my manicure to dry. But I don't always. And even though it's completely my fault, it still burns me up.
  • Friendly Flyers: Please don't sit by me if you want to chat from take-off until landing. I don't mind a simple "hello" or "how are you". I do not, however, need to know the purpose for your trip, how long you are staying, details about your family, or a description of your job. Do people not realize how much energy it can take to think of pleasant conversation with someone you know nothing about?? Well, it's a lot. Most of my airplane travel is for work and occurs either early on Monday morning or late in the afternoon at the end of the week. Perhaps that's part of the reason why I dread small talk on a plane. Most of the times of day I find myself on a plane are not at my most chatty moments. Either way, I try my best to avoid eye contact, as most people see this as an invitation to strike up conversation. This trick works most of the time, but be warned that it's not foolproof. Some of those friendly flyers can be pretty persistent.
  • Bountiful Blues: I love SweetTarts. Except for the blue ones. Talk about mega disappointing when every other one that comes out of the pack is blue.



Candace said...

This cracked me up! I'm totally with you on most of it.

1. I pull those scatterers out as soon as I get the magazine home. Obnoxious is not the word.

2. I'm afraid I might be a shadow shopper. I usually go, and I don't find what I want....and I'm done. Just done. Pissed that I can't find exactly what I pictured in my head. And done.

3. I hate the word "hubby", and if we are complaining...I hate the word "preggo". Leggo my preggo...NO. That's stupid. You're pregnant. Just don't.

4. I don't have the travel problems as much as you because I don't travel much; however, I'm pretty sure both of those have sucked when they've happened. I don't care for small talk with people I know...much less people I don't. creeps. I am also pretty picky about where I sleep....and eat. With that said...

5. I get worried when they don't write it down too. I even think that sometimes I special order more than usual just to test them. I hate when they get it wrong, but I hate when I think they should write it down and they get it right...dang it.

6. Miss your face. Must see you guys soon. I have THE Alabama dish waiting impatiently for you.


Candace said...

That was THE longest comment ever, and don't ask me what that random 3 is at the bottom. I don't know. It is late, and I've been working on crazy Mallory Mason's hilarious blog.